{"id":5293,"date":"2013-10-31T08:03:53","date_gmt":"2013-10-31T12:03:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/alifeofproductivity.com\/?p=5293"},"modified":"2021-12-04T19:03:18","modified_gmt":"2021-12-04T19:03:18","slug":"active-listening-how-to-do-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chrisbailey.com\/active-listening-how-to-do-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Why \u2018active listening\u2019 will make you more productive, and how to do it"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class='et-box et-tick'>\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class='et-box-content'><b class=\"takeaway\">Takeaway:<\/b> Actively listening to someone (completely focusing on what they say) makes you more productive, because it lets you develop deeper relationships, become a better judge of people, focus better, avoid misunderstandings, and have more meaningful conversations.<\/p>\n<p><b class=\"readingtime\">Estimated Reading Time:<\/b> 5 minutes, 25s.<\/div><\/div>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-5295 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/chrisbailey.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/topandfeatureimage.jpg\" alt=\"topandfeatureimage\" width=\"675\" height=\"379\" srcset=\"https:\/\/chrisbailey.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/topandfeatureimage.jpg 675w, https:\/\/chrisbailey.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/topandfeatureimage-480x269.jpg 480w\" sizes=\"(min-width: 0px) and (max-width: 480px) 480px, (min-width: 481px) 675px, 100vw\" \/><\/p>\n<h2><b>Why you should actively listen<\/b><\/h2>\n<p><strong>Like it or not, there will always be a gap between what you hear, and what someone is trying to say.<\/strong> Language isn\u2019t perfect, and unless you invent a machine for reading minds, language is one of the best tools you have to get inside of someone\u2019s head and understand what they\u2019re thinking and where they\u2019re coming from.<\/p>\n<p>There are two types of listening: passive and active. With passive listening, you don\u2019t chew on someone\u2019s words too much; you simply react to what they say and try to get your own points across. Active listening is different, and in my opinion a lot more productive. With active listening, you bring all of your attention and focus to your conversation, which means the conversation has a lot more meaning, depth, and you get a much greater return from your time. It takes more energy and effort, but I think it&#8217;s well worth it.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-5304\" src=\"https:\/\/chrisbailey.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/santaisthatyou.jpg\" alt=\"santaisthatyou??\" width=\"321\" height=\"407\" \/>I wrote how to actively listen later in the article, but I want to sell you on the idea first. Here is what you\u2019ll get out of actively listening to someone:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><b>You\u2019ll hear way more. <\/b>You don\u2019t just hear and react to the words someone says; you hear the meaning and intention <i>behind<\/i> what someone is saying. This lets you connect with the person on a deeper level.<\/li>\n<li><b>You\u2019ll pay people the respect they deserve.<\/b> When you actively listen to someone, you show incredible respect for them, and in return they show greater respect for you.<\/li>\n<li><b>You\u2019ll develop deeper relationships.<\/b> When you deeply listen to and respect the people you have conversations with, it is much easier to dive deeper into your relationship with them.<\/li>\n<li><b>You\u2019ll work out your attention muscle.<\/b> What I love so much about meditation is how it works out your attention muscle, because every time you lose track of your breath, you gently bring your attention back to it. I think active listening has the same benefit when you constantly bring your attention back to the conversation you&#8217;re having.<\/li>\n<li><b>You\u2019ll avoids misunderstandings.<\/b> Though <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/chrisbailey.com\/more-conflict\/\">some conflict is healthy and productive<\/a><\/span>, conflict over misunderstandings is counterproductive. Actively listening to what someone is saying allows you chew on their words more, which lets you avoid misunderstandings that will zap you of your time and energy.<\/li>\n<li><b>You\u2019ll become a better judge of people.<\/b> The more you listen, the better you get at listening, and the more you can read between the lines of what someone is saying to see what they\u2019re really like.<\/li>\n<li><b>What the hell else would you be doing?<\/b> If you\u2019re talking to someone, I can only think of a few situations where you shouldn\u2019t devote 100% of your attention to the conversation you\u2019re having.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><b>30% of your attention is probably all you need to carry on a good conversation, most of the time.<\/b> But when you direct the remainder of your attention to the conversation as well, something magical happens: your conversations have more depth, meaning, and you\u2019ll reap all of the benefits above.<\/p>\n<p><b>I think listening and productivity are intimately connected.<\/b><\/p>\n<p>So that begs the question: how do you actively listen to someone?<\/p>\n<p>A couple of months ago Ellen Symons (a long-time reader, commenter, and <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/chrisbailey.com\/pitch-in\/\">supporter<\/a><\/span> of AYOP) suggested that I explore the relationship between productivity and listening, and I\u2019ve been playing around with (and researching) the idea since.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-5297 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/chrisbailey.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/coffeetalk.jpg\" alt=\"coffeetalk\" width=\"675\" height=\"448\" \/><\/p>\n<h2><b>How to actively listen<\/b><\/h2>\n<p><b>Here\u2019s what has worked the best for me:<\/b><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><b>Actively think and consider what the other person is saying.<\/b>\u00a0This is huge, and allows you to process what the person is saying on a much deeper level.<\/li>\n<li><b>Don\u2019t think too much about what you\u2019re going to say next.<\/b> When I think of a funny, witty response to what someone is saying, often I tune out and wait for my turn to say something impressive. But I always get more out of conversations when I simply listen, and respond after I\u2019ve heard everything someone has to say.<\/li>\n<li><b>Set aside your own beliefs and opinions<\/b>,<b> <\/b>especially when you feel the person you\u2019re talking to is completely wrong. Over the last couple of months, this trick has made me more patient, understanding, open, and respectful of other people. Usually my opinions didn\u2019t change at the end of the conversation, but <em>I<\/em> did, and usually for the better.<\/li>\n<li><b>Be patient.<\/b> Especially when someone rambles on, continue to be patient and work to understand what they\u2019re trying to say.<\/li>\n<li><b>Constantly bring your attention back to the conversation in front of you.<\/b> In a lot of conversations my mind wanders to things I should be doing, things I have to do, things I\u2019d rather be doing, random thoughts, and more. Similar to <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><a title=\"Guide: Everything you need to start meditating\" href=\"https:\/\/chrisbailey.com\/meditation-guide\/\">meditation<\/a><\/span>, I&#8217;ve constantly brought my attention back to the conversation in front of me, and that has strengthened my attention muscle.<\/li>\n<li><b>Ask questions when you don\u2019t understand what the person is saying.<\/b> Don\u2019t write off the words someone is saying because you don\u2019t understand them. When you ask questions, you usually learn something about the person, or about what they\u2019re talking about. And as\u00a0Rob Leonardo pointed out in the comments, it also helps to repeat what the speaker said in your own words, to confirm that you understand what they&#8217;re saying, and to eliminate any potential misunderstandings.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2><b>Playing defence<\/b><\/h2>\n<p><b>As important as it is to be an active listener, I think it\u2019s just as important to prevent yourself from getting into unproductive conversations in the first place.<\/b> To me, an unproductive conversation is one that doesn\u2019t add meaning or value to my life or the life of the person I\u2019m talking to. I think it\u2019s okay to rush a conversation along that\u2019s not fun, entertaining, or doesn\u2019t add meaning to your life. Setting reasonable boundaries for conversations is very productive as well (like an friendly time limit), especially if you\u2019re at work and there is a large opportunity cost to having a lengthy conversation with someone.<\/p>\n<p>Playing defence and limiting unproductive conversations (ones that don&#8217;t add meaning to your life) affords you more time for more meaningful and productive conversations and activities in the future.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-5300 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/chrisbailey.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/sittingonledge.jpg\" alt=\"sittingonledge\" width=\"675\" height=\"365\" \/><\/p>\n<h2><b>Summing Up<\/b><\/h2>\n<p><strong>People don\u2019t speak to say words; they speak to be heard.<\/strong> When you listen intentionally, and actively listen to what someone is trying to say, your conversations become more valuable, and more meaningful.<\/p>\n<p>I think productivity isn\u2019t just about getting more done in less time, even though active listening will help you do that. To me being productive also means living a happy life that is rich with meaning, and if you spend as much of your day talking to people as I do, it\u2019s worth finding ways to wring as much meaning and value out of your conversations as possible.<\/p>\n<p>Active listening allows you to develop deeper relationships, avoid misunderstandings, become a better judge of people, and a whole lot more. It takes energy, attention, and maybe even a sprinkle of confidence to do it right, but when active listening adds so much meaning to your life,\u00a0that\u2019s energy well spent.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #888888;\"><em>Image credits: <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/22074118@N00\/4248652024\"><span style=\"color: #888888; text-decoration: underline;\">older Asian men<\/span><\/a><\/span>; <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/bevgoodwin\/8781492866\/sizes\/l\/\"><span style=\"color: #888888; text-decoration: underline;\">bearded man<\/span><\/a><\/span>; <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/anyalogic\/2315310261\/sizes\/l\/\"><span style=\"color: #888888; text-decoration: underline;\">coffee gals<\/span><\/a><\/span>; <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/antonystanley\/5258780850\/sizes\/l\/\"><span style=\"color: #888888; text-decoration: underline;\">two dudes sitting on a wall<\/span><\/a><\/span>.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When you actively listen to what someone is trying to say, your conversations become more valuable, meaningful, and productive. Here\u2019s how to do it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5319,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Why \u2018active listening\u2019 will make you more productive, and how to do it<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When you actively listen to what someone is trying to say, your conversations become more valuable, meaningful, and productive. 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