{"id":221192,"date":"2023-05-02T08:06:31","date_gmt":"2023-05-02T08:06:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chrisbailey.com\/?p=221192"},"modified":"2023-12-28T09:01:41","modified_gmt":"2023-12-28T14:01:41","slug":"what-happens-doesnt-matter-all-that-much","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chrisbailey.com\/what-happens-doesnt-matter-all-that-much\/","title":{"rendered":"What happens doesn\u2019t matter all that much"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><div class='et-box et-tick'>\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class='et-box-content'><b class=\"takeaway\">Takeaway: <\/b><span class=\"s1\">When it comes to how we experience life, two things matter: what happens, and how we think about what happens. Which of the two is more important is debatable<\/span> <b class=\"readingtime\">Estimated Reading Time:<\/b> 1 minute, 58s.<\/div><\/div> <img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-221196\" src=\"https:\/\/chrisbailey.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/maksim-shutov-H8vhhepiiaU-unsplash-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"799\" height=\"532\" \/><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">I have a theory about the events that make up our lives: what happens doesn\u2019t matter as much as we think. When it comes to our happiness and overall life satisfaction, what is of greater importance is how we <i>relate<\/i> to what happens.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Take, for example, when expectations skew how we perceive our days and our life. When things go as expected, we feel good and comfortable. When things exceed expectations, we\u2019re unexpectedly delighted (and our brain rewards us on a chemical level, as I write in <a href=\"https:\/\/chrisbailey.com\/how-to-calm-your-mind\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><i>How to Calm Your Mind<\/i><\/a>). Likewise, when something doesn\u2019t meet our expectations, it can feel like a letdown.<\/span><\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_220567\" style=\"width: 144px\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\"><a href=\"https:\/\/chrisbailey.com\/how-to-calm-your-mind\/\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-220567\" class=\"wp-image-220567\" src=\"https:\/\/chrisbailey.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/HTCYM-cover-201x300.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"134\" height=\"200\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-220567\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">This post riffs on some of the ideas in my latest book, <a href=\"https:\/\/chrisbailey.com\/how-to-calm-your-mind\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><em>How to Calm Your Mind.<\/em><\/a><\/p><\/div>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">By default, <b>nearly all our expectations are wrong.<\/b> This should not come as a surprise: it\u2019s impossible to predict the future and how events will unfold. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">When you think about it, that means things rarely go \u201cright\u201d or \u201cwrong.\u201d They just go differently than expected. These events still affect our life in positive and negative ways. But so does how we <i>relate<\/i> to those experiences. <\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">(Expectations are nowhere near the only thing that skew our perception of reality. We each have countless biases, inaccurate mental models, and self-talk that influence how we see the world.)<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">Here\u2019s an idea I\u2019ve been thinking about lately. The things we experience contribute to our overall happiness and life satisfaction. But how we <i>relate<\/i> these events is important, too. <b>So how much does each factor matter? <\/b><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">When it comes to happiness and satisfaction, we tend to think that the experiences that comprise our life matter more:<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-221194\" src=\"https:\/\/chrisbailey.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/Chris_Chart-e1682612058326-300x176.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"498\" height=\"292\" \/><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">In practice, though, how we <i>perceive<\/i> our situation can fundamentally shift our happiness and satisfaction. In my opinion, the ratio looks more like this:<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-221195\" src=\"https:\/\/chrisbailey.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/Chris_Chart-1-e1682612138722-300x193.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"514\" height=\"330\" \/><span class=\"s1\">I personally think that how we relate to our life matters more than what we experience at face value. Happiness, satisfaction, and even calm come more from how we choose to experience and respond to the events in our lives.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><span class=\"s1\">The bottom line is this: when it comes to living a good life, we probably focus too much on how we can change our life for the better. It\u2019s critical that we also change our mindset around how we relate to life, too.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A new mental framing to take forward.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":221196,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4068,5],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>What happens doesn\u2019t matter all that much - Chris Bailey<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/chrisbailey.com\/what-happens-doesnt-matter-all-that-much\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What happens doesn\u2019t matter all that much - 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